I needed a laugh this morning, so I visited my email spam folder. Trust me, if you feel low or in a funk, just check your spam folder because the world thinks much worse of you than you already do.
Because according to the interworld?
“Adriana” and “SexKitten” keep sending me messages with ‘Hey’ and ‘I miss you’….which is weird because the Adriana I know was in high school and a flat out snot, and the only kitten I know doesn’t speak English, or human for that matter.
I’m also special enough that not only am I in need of ‘slutfinder’, but I get free limited time access to find a local slut. I’m stoked! I never get freebies!
But to help appease my mother or family I can share that I also am qualified to join a Jewish dating site.
1. I’m not single
2. I’m not Jewish
Oh wait, there we are, one for the special Christian people to ‘Mingle’
Why does everyone think I’m single?
Keep reading, April…surely there is someone who knows you better than that?
Yes, yes…there it is! AshleyMadison, a site specifically designed for people to cheat on spouses.
I guess I’ll be all set after I take advantage of the online pharmacy sales and these ‘amazing skinny secrets’, but don’t worry I’ll have plenty of money for my dating Jewish and Christian and/or cheating life with my new cosmetic surgery that was funded of course by a surprise account found in Nigeria that a very nice young man is trying to help get to me.