I have a bad habit....well okay, I have several of them,
but one of them happens to be that when I get in a dark spot...
I get quiet.
quiet in person, quiet in thought, quiet in life.
For the last couple weeks I've been struggling, not just with my hectic schedule
but with what feels like everything.
I've been down.
I've been down for what feels like the entire year.
and I'm not talking about the scale or my measurements.
I've been avoiding the scale since July.
I've been wavering between weeks of full on, and full off with my activity
I've been wavering with my diet with WW, lowcarb, increased protein, IIFYM, you name it.
and even wavering in listening to the doctors' orders on what my body is supposedly lacking.
My commitment to myself has been wavering.
This week I've had to take a very hard look in the mirror and literally talk aloud to the April I see.
I sucked it up, braced myself....
and stepped on the scale this morning
and I knew it was going to be ugly
but it had to be done.
And while I've dealt with this all day, I'm not quite ready to spell it all out.
My plans, my food, my activity or whatnot.
I haven't figured that part out yet other than