Oct 10, 2015
I'm irritable quite a bit lately with a friend, she's not changed or done anything different so I know this is all on me. But I'm really chapped about it all, and then cranky at myself for being this way. Damn self-awareness. I know we aren't supposed to compare ourselves to others, but sometimes it happens and you don't realize it. That has been me and this friend.
I'm jealous and judgy....there I said it, I admit it, I'm judging another woman.
My friend underwent a gastric sleeve last year, a decision that I helped her come to terms with. I shared with her what I watched my dad and others go through, the good and the bad and so forth. I encouraged her to do this for herself and she's had amazing results. It has been almost a full year and she's down almost 90lbs, only 15 or 20 from her goal weight. Perfect right? She underwent a significant surgery, recovery, and all the not-so-great things of a weight loss surgery. It is NOT a walk in the park and I am the first to tell people that (from observation, I personally have not had any surgery.)
So why am I judging and jealous?
I've watched her shrink in the last year thanks to this surgery.....however
I've watched her continue to use the elevator
I've watched her continue to eat out at lunch daily, eating fried foods, having a bite or two of a donut or taco for breakfast.
I've watched her avoid vegetables.
I've watched her laugh off my snarky remarks about fake food.
I've turned down her offerings of food because I can't have them. Not even that one sample bite.
I've watched her not make any healthy changes. I've watched her simply keep her behaviour the same but on a smaller scale (portion size.) I've watched her reap the benefits of not doing much physically.
We were out of the office together this week and I was unable to pack and take my lunch, so eating out was my only option. Despite her and my need to make a good choice, she was 'craving' Dairy Queen. A greasy burger place. That's okay, I'll figure something out and track it. It is life, I gotta deal.
And then I watch her get to eat fried chicken and french fries.
I sat, nibbled my bad grilled chicken and wilted lettuce and realized how jealous I was.
I realized that while I've watched this over the last year.... I've done so while working my literal ass off everyday. While I skip going out and being sociable, I go work out. I track every morsel that goes into my body. I cook 98% of all meals at home. I drink a gallon of water. I walk over 10K steps every single day.
I do all the things that they tell you are the 'right way' and I am not 'shrinking away' or having any evidence of my hard work and lifestyle.
No, she did not do the easy thing. She did undergo a surgery, anesthesia, recovery everything. It is not an easy way out. I'm not jealous of what she did to get here.
I'm jealous of her ability to act and live like those normal thin people. She simply gets to eat smaller meals (of crappy food) and not have to exercise and she gets to lose weight and buy cute clothes. And yes, she will soon be the same size as I am currently....I'm jealous that I've worked hard especially this past year and the scale is right in the same place.
I'm a crankypants judgmental woman.
ETA: Thank you all for your comments and emails, I've replied privately as always but wanted to thank you all for commiserating with me on this issue.